Such things as passion, love and miracles.

I've got this incredibly strange and amazing feeling coursing through my veins right now.
I didn't get invited to a birthday party for an employee on the ship who i believe I'm a friend to. Not that i won't be okay that i wasn't invited.
I'm fine, quite frankly, with spending the night just how i would've before i'd found out about said party: bottle or Mark West Pinot Noir, pajamas, a mound of sliced cheese and cold cuts with tomato, and Scrubs: The Complete First Season…maybe littered with some light journaling.
I'm finding, especially after today, that i'm quite alright with being alone…for the time being.

Now don't get me wrong. I LOVE being around people. Friends, in particular. In fact being social is  a key ingredient in my general and overall well being. But i do like being alone. What i don't like is being lonely. And today, in face, I'm going to find being lonely extraordinarily difficult.

Today I rediscovered a love that i wasn't sure existed anymore for me in my life. In fact I've been quite sure lately that I will die sad and alone. But today, a lovely man who has been there for years standing by, with a quiet and perfect dignity, watching me make my mistakes, "do my thing," fight my battles, live my crazy, wild "artists life" and still, without so much as a flinch, never once question the way he feels about me made me think differently.

I've gotta admit, it's a strong man who will put up (and then some) with my crazy artist acrobatics.

This past December when he and I broke up, catalyst of the ordeal was "lack of passion" and other such issues.

…

I've now come to realize that passion without love can be quite empty.

In fact, Passion, without Love, is nothing.

It's the love that makes the passion worth it. It's love, compassion, understanding and comfort that makes something such as passion all that it is.
I finally understand that passion is so much more than what I was searching for…

It's sitting in the passenger seat of the car, looking out the window when, without provocation, you feel the warm, gentle touch of a hand on your knee

It's the daily call or email or text message just to say hello and let you know you're on his mind.

It's the excitement to travel together and see everything and go everywhere...with you.

It's the enormous bouquet on the dresser when you wake up, for no reason other than he knows you love flowers.

It's the laughter.
It's the tears…

...
It's the man who's leaving for Afghanistan in a week and turning his world upside-down and backwards and still makes sure his last few days in America are spent driving hours by himself, in what is mostly horrendous traffic, just to see your face, to look into your eyes and assure you that you are loved and that he will be safe and come home in nine months in one piece, still loving you.

If that's not passion, i'm not sure what is.
And I'm the lucky fool that gets to sing about it.
All in all, it's what makes being alone so bearable. With a promise of passion, with a promise of love no matter what, with a promise that i'm not, in fact, so alone although i may physically seem so…
It's not so bad that i wasn't invited to a birthday party.
It's not so bad that i am here tonight by myself with my thoughts, words, wine, cheese and Scubs episodes.

Have a wonderful night, keep searching for the real passion, and if you've already got it, don't let it go.

-Allegrasings