Sadness (or something like it)

My friend Joe (those of you who know us, you'll know he's one of my closest) came to visit me in Long Beach this past Monday. We had a great time. We got coffee/orange juice in the morning, we went shopping in Long Beach and had delicious Mexican food and Coronitas for lunch at the pier (i haven't had delicious Mexican food since i left San Diego...i was jonesing for it). Then he came back to the ship with me and i showed him around all the guest areas and all the crew/behind the scenes areas. We laughed, caught up, drank tropical beverages and he watched me perform.

Then, when 4:30 rolled around, it was time for him to leave the ship.

The previous Monday, when my mom and sister came to visit and they had to leave, i felt pangs of sadness (or something like it) but i thought it was just that day, or just the company...

But I felt the same sadness when Joe left yesterday and I went up to Deck 9 and watched the ship leave the port of Long Beach.

What I've now felt two weeks in a row is a really impossible sensation to explain. I try to pinpoint it. I try to put into words exactly what it feels like inside me, and i can't.

Having someone that reminds me of home come to visit me in my temporary ship home and then leave...and then for the ship to leave land and take off once more into the wild blue ocean, far and completely away from anything familiar - it's sort of nostalgia and heartache meets expectation and fear of the unknown meets love, loss and wanderlust.


A mish-mosh of feelings all tossed up in my soul, like wild ingredients that I've never even heard of, thrown eccentrically together to create some new, exotic feast that I've never tried before.

I think if I had to pinpoint the most overwhelming of everything I felt yesterday, it would be loneliness.
I really didn't have any idea of how lonely i would be working on a cruise ship.

I have come to a place where I spend most of my time alone. I do a lot of writing, a lot of thinking a LOT of sleeping...

I LOVE SLEEP.
In fact, I've discovered that i love sleep so much that i become a raging beast when people try to take my sleep time away from me.

I make sure i write "Sleeping" on my door when I don't want to be disturbed...and usually it works quite well :)

That's that for now. I'll talk to you soon ~
Allegrasings