Here It Is…Here I Am (Life at Sea)

So I've got laryngitis.
In 29 years of loving to sing and heavily relying (for my sanity and well being) on my voice and my vocal health, I've never (that I can remember) had laryngitis.

But when I woke up this morning unable to swallow or speak, with a sore and swollen rod running down the right side of my throat (so swollen that it was visible in the mirror five feet away) I knew that I was no longer healthy…vocally.

Now, after a day of drinking water (both bottled and hot w/ lemon and honey), gargling tetracycline, popping cephalexin and anti-inflammatory meds, sucking on lozenges and (my favorite) having an injection granted to my hind quarters which was described to me as a steroid for the inflammation in my throat…oh, and crying quite a bit…I'm exhausted, confused, stressed, angry, miserable, stifled and lonely.

Without my voice, I feel powerless and oh so very alone.
And, may I admit it, scared.

Of course, in my uber-volitile state, my emotions are running at a record high allowing my mind and heart to jump to intense (albeit unreasonable) conclusions:

What if I never sing again?
What if the damage I've done to my voice in this mere two months is irreversible?
What if I have to jump ship?
What if no one will love me anymore because my voice was what made me Allegra?

Granted, I know I will sing again. It is my lifeblood. I know that this rest I will be taking in the next few days is absolutely necessary. I know that I am and have always been a pleaser, and if something was going to get me to back off, stop saying yes, stop overworking out of fear that people will stop liking me and take some time for myself, this had to be it.

I feel honestly crazy sometimes. And being trapped (on practical lock down) in my 11ft by 11ft windowless cave below the sea, unable to relate, share, explain, talk,  cry on anyone's shoulder or have a genuine laugh with a close friend…is making the crazy come out and play.

THE BRIGHT SIDE:
(if you were waiting for it)

This, too, shall pass.
I wrote a song awhile ago called "Let it Rain"
What I was experiencing when I wrote the song didn't even begin to compare to what I'm feeling right now, but it's these times when I know I've gotta look back, heed my own lessons and take my own advise.

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Let It Rain
Feeling whole is difficult - when you're working with an empty shell
Smiling isn't easy - when you're going through a little hell

[Chorus]
So just remember…
When the sun breaks through after the rain
That you'll never know the joy without the pain
So let it rain, let it rain, let it rain
Let it rain…Let it rain

It's hard to find a reason - when everything is going wrong
It's hard to find the answer - when you're feeling like you don't belong

It's hard to move ahead - when your feet are nailed to the floor
It's hard to live a moment - when your heart is running for the door

[Chorus]
So just remember…
When the sun breaks through after the rain
That you'll never know the joy without the pain
So let it rain, let it rain, let it rain
Let it rain…Let it rain

(check out my youtube channel to hear the song :)) www.youtube.com/allegrasings
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So tell me. When was one of your really bad times? Yesterday? Last year? When you were 5? When did you genuinely feel like that was that, and you could barely find the strength to keep living, loving and charging forward?

And where are you now? Did you make it through? (I'm going to guess 'yes' if you're here with me at Allegrasings right now…)

In conclusion, I'm gonna let it rain.

The sun is going to shine again. I will love life again the best i know how. I will sing and laugh and enjoy my moments again sometime very soon.
So until then, live it up, my friends. And enjoy yours.

Allegrasings